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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23733208">you.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tianyu/pseuds/tianyu'>tianyu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the eruri trilogy [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Crack, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Porn With Plot, dekoboko sugar days au, irrelavant ocs, mostly likely ooc, no beta we die like men</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:55:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,165</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23733208</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tianyu/pseuds/tianyu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi falls in love when he is six years old.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi/Erwin Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the eruri trilogy [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1709455</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>got so much uni work to do but all i do it procrastinate and mass-produce eruri fanfics... sure have my priorities straight, don't i?</p><p>for the sake of the story, let's pretend all characters got a relatively normal childhood. </p><p>lol, please enjoy tho.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Levi falls in love when he is six years old.</p><p> </p><p>He’s at the local park, avoiding socialisation with the other kids like his life depends on it, while Uncle Kenny is making an emergency trip to the vending machine to buy him some banana milk. It’s a warm day out, and his mom has dumped babysitting duties on his uncle while she makes good use of the bright sunlight to do laundry. Levi had wanted to stay inside, watch some afternoon cartoons or something — practically anything other than pretend to be nice with fellow toddlers.</p><p> </p><p>It’s then he hears it, a small fearful whimper and the infuriatingly familiar sneer of that bastard Johnny from his grade one class, and the whinging laughter of his stupid little clique. </p><p> </p><p>Levi hates Johnny and his little crowd with every inch of his tiny six-year-old body mass. They used to make fun of him for not having a father, but then Levi had snapped when Johnny started insulting his mother as well. He had sucker-punched the kid in the face and knocked out a baby tooth, leaving Johnny in shock on the floor, with blood pooling in his mouth and fear gathering in his wide eyes. Afterward, the teacher had given Levi timeout for the rest of recess, but let Johnny go scot-free, and called in Levi’s mom to talk about his ‘anger issues’ and ‘violent nature’. Except, Uncle Kenny had shown up, humiliated the teacher by calling her a sad excuse of an adult for not stopping the bullying earlier, and ruffled Levi’s hair proudly on the way home. That night, his mom cooked his favourite food for dinner.</p><p> </p><p>Since then, the bullies had learned to leave Levi alone, and no one ever mentioned his absent father again. </p><p> </p><p>There’s a quiet sob muffled among the jarring laughter of the bullies, and Levi feels oddly sympathetic. That’d been him once, before he had learned to let his fists do the talking. So he marches his tiny body over to the source of the commotion and stomps on the floor loudly. </p><p> </p><p>Johnny and his crew spin around at the noise, and Levi can see the girl they’re bullying, she clutches a thick book close to her chest like she’d been trying to protect it with her own body. Levi also notices that she is easily half a head taller than any kid gathered around here, and she’s clearly older in age, too. <em> Weak</em>, he thinks. Scowling, he continues to glare at Johnny silently. </p><p> </p><p>Johnny shouts a few gargled words at him with a heavy lisp that had been a result of the tooth Levi had knocked out. Eventually, he loses interest because Levi isn’t reacting to the words and he’s too afraid to get within a two-meter radius of the raven-haired boy. Johnny leaves with a snarl, and his group of menaces follows like mindless dogs in his trail. </p><p> </p><p>Levi scoffs and continues to glare at them until they are out of sight. He almost forgets about the girl until she hesitantly tugs on his shirt sleeve. Levi startles and looks up. Her face is wet with tears that stick her long, fluttering eyelashes together in clumps. There are a few loose strands of glistening gold from where Johnny had grabbed her hair earlier with his grubby hands. She’s still got a hand clutching the leatherbound book to her chest. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” she whispers meekly, voice still wobbly. Levi acknowledges her silently with a head nod. </p><p> </p><p>“Ah, uh,” she continues helpfully, “um…” Breathing deeply a few times to calm herself, she finally looks at Levi in the eyes, and for the first time in his six short years of existence, Levi feels his heart stop, and then start up again with so much more energy and vigour. She stares at him with big blue eyes that look like the sapphire jewels Levi’s mom wears on her ears, but her eyes are so much prettier, so much more <em>captivating</em>, and Levi is stunned silent with absolute <em>awe </em>because he has never seen someone so stunningly beautiful before. </p><p> </p><p>“My name is Erwin,” the girl says and lets go of Levi’s sleeve. <em> What a weird name for a girl</em>, Levi thinks, but does not comprehend or analyse it beyond this point because he is six years old. “What’s yours?” She questions.</p><p> </p><p>“L-Levi,” he stutters out, cheeks warming at an alarming rate. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s a very cool name,” Erwin smiles softly, and Levi thinks his heart is gonna burst out of his chest at this point. “You’re very brave for scaring them off. Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>“They’re assholes,” Levi utters vehemently, recalling the horrible stuff they had jeered at him.</p><p> </p><p>Erwin is temporarily taken back by his bold choice of words but explodes into quiet giggles. “My dad told me not to say that,” she says through the gentle laughter, “it’s a bad word.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” Levi huffs, embarrassed, “I don’t have a dad to tell me that stuff.” It slips out before he can stop it, and he instantly regrets saying it. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” she quietens down. Levi’s afraid to look at her in the eyes. Is she going to insult her like Johnny had? Does she think he’s strange for not having a father? For not knowing who his father is? </p><p> </p><p>“That’s alright. I don’t have a mom, either.”</p><p> </p><p>Levi snaps his head up in shock. Erwin scratches her cheek timidly.</p><p> </p><p>“She left this for me,” the hand gripping the book tightens, “my dad said she loved me a lot but couldn’t stay. She went to heaven.” Erwin peers down at the floor sadly, a few stray hairs falling into her view. “Apparently, I look a lot like her.”</p><p> </p><p>“She must be very pretty, then,” Levi says with all the determination a six-year-old can muster, and then blushes bright red when Erwin stares at him with surprise, and bursts into laughter again. It’s reverent and harmonious, not disruptive and heinous like the bullies’. It’s a very nice sound, Levi decides, he’d like to hear more of it in the future. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” she says, “for earlier too.”</p><p> </p><p>“S’okay,” Levi mutters, “they’re scared of me because I can beat the crap out of them. I’ll—,” he pauses, face burning hotter, “I’ll protect you from them from now on.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re like a knight in shining armour,” she smiles again, and Levi thinks he could probably punch out some of Johnny’s other teeth to keep that smile on Erwin’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“Erwin!” A tall man with light hair calls out from the entrance of the park.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah,” Erwin’s eyes follow the source of the sound of her name being called. “It’s my dad,” she explains, “I have to go.” </p><p> </p><p>Levi gives her a small, disappointed nod. She looks at him with slight confusion, before leaning down and presses a light peck on his cheek, and beams at him when she straightens back up. Levi is left standing with his face red as a tomato. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll see you tomorrow!” She says as she walks towards her father. </p><p> </p><p>Levi continues to stand where she had left him, hand pressed against the spot where she had kissed him and his face completely flushed, until Uncle Kenny jogs up to him with relief etched all over his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Where did you go?” He asks as he hands Levi his banana milk, “I looked all over for you. Don’t wander around by yourself, alright? Your mom would kill me if you got lost.” He peers down at the boy when Levi doesn’t reply and notices the redness on his face. “Are you sick?” he sighs with concern, “here, let me feel your forehead.” </p><p> </p><p>As Uncle Kenny continues to fuss over him, Levi decides for himself that if he is a knight in shining armour like Erwin proclaims, then in return, Erwin will be the prettiest princess of his dreams, and he is going to make her the goddamned happiest person in this world.</p><p> </p><p>His mom and Uncle Kenny share a questioning but amused look when they arrive home for dinner and Levi asks them if he could go to the park again the next day.</p><p>
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</p><p>  </p><p>Levi is twelve years old when he finds out that the princess of his dreams isn’t so much so of a princess, as he is of a… <em> prince</em>. </p><p> </p><p>Erwin had invited Levi out to the pool during their summer break, and Levi had stayed up the entire night before, stomach filled with pure excitement. Except, when he shows up at the swimming center the following day, the excitement morphs into confusion and bewilderment. He nearly slips and bangs his head against the edge of the pool. </p><p> </p><p>Erwin is sitting on the bench, waiting for him, shirtless. <em> Shirtless</em>. That being said, Levi himself is also shirtless, clad in only a pair of swim trunks, like any other normal boy going for a swim, because <em>he </em>is a boy, and guys can be shirtless and girls can’t—</p><p> </p><p>“Levi!” Erwin gasps and runs to his side when Levi slips and falls on his butt, the brunt of the landing fortunately cushioned by the inflatable doughnut Kenny had him promise to wear. “Are you alright?”</p><p> </p><p>Levi can’t find it in himself to reply as he continues to stare at Erwin’s <em>bare and exceedingly flat chest </em>in shock, so intensely and for so long that apparently Erwin has taken notice and is shielding his upper body from Levi’s gaze self-consciously.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh dear,” Erwin breathes. Levi watches the gears turn in his head as he pieces everything together in a matter of seconds. “Did you think I was a girl?”</p><p> </p><p>Levi just nods at him numbly, and suddenly starts recalling all the hints and clues, and seriously? How could he be so freaking <em>blind</em>? He’s never even seen Erwin in any dresses, or skirts, or anything even remotely feminine, but he’d thought that had been because Erwin was a tomboy — oh god, but his name is freaking <em> Erwin</em>, and no one in their right mind would name their daughter that. </p><p> </p><p>“Levi,” Erwin looks down at him, and Levi notices how he does so with the same precious sapphire jeweled eyes, through the same delicate blonde lashes, with the same kindness and patience and fondness Levi has seen on his face hundreds, thousands of times before, what makes this time any different?</p><p> </p><p>It doesn’t. There’s no difference. </p><p> </p><p>Erwin bites his lip and looks away from Levi, his shoulders slump, and his arms are still crossed over his chest. “Sorry,” he smiles weakly. Apologetically. <em> Sadly</em>.</p><p> </p><p><em> I thought you were gonna make him the happiest person in this world, </em> Levi thinks to himself. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I am — you are, aren’t you? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Then why does he look like he’s on the verge of tears, then? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t care!” He blurts out, lifting himself up from the ground with a huff. He holds a hand out to Erwin. “C’mon, you big crybaby, and stop apologising all the time.” </p><p> </p><p>Erwin blinks back the tears as he looks up at Levi. It takes him a few hesitant seconds, but then he clasps a hand firmly in Levi’s grasp and lets the raven-haired boy pull him up despite being a head taller. </p><p> </p><p>“Seriously,” Levi reaffirms, Erwin’s hand still grasped firmly his own. He doesn’t want to let go. “I don’t give a shit if you’re a girl, or a boy, or a frog, I don’t know, I don’t care. Whatever. Makes no difference, boy or girl. You’re you, that’s enough. I fucking mean it.” And he really, <em> truly </em>does. </p><p> </p><p>Erwin admonishes him for his choice of words, attempting to be scandalised by the profanities that have seeped and settled permanently into Levi’s primary choice of vocabulary, but Levi has never seen him smile brighter. </p><p>
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</p><p> </p><p>Levi is eighteen when he breaks a girl’s heart. </p><p> </p><p>Her name is Petra. She is shorter than him, has smooth clementine-coloured hair that frames her face gorgeously. Her eyes are gentle, and filled with such kindness that Levi does not deserve. </p><p> </p><p>Her hands are small, and her lips are soft, but Levi can’t find any gratification, or happiness, in the way she kisses him. </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry,” he apologises, “it’s not you, it’s me.” He doesn’t shake or tremble, there’s no emotion in his voice. It’s a flat-out rejection. Levi doesn’t care about what or how she feels, but he doesn’t want to hurt her because they graduate today. </p><p> </p><p>He’s rejecting her on the day of their high school graduation. He’s breaking a girl’s heart on one of the happiest, most celebratory days in her life.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay,” she smiles through her tears, comforting him despite her own obvious pain, “I wanted you to know before we go our separate ways.” </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry,” he says again, because he’s at a loss for words, because he doesn’t know what else to say. He doesn’t cry. His voice doesn’t wobble. His heart doesn’t throb with hurt. </p><p> </p><p>That night, after the countless festivities, he lies in his bed and thoughts about Erwin he’d contained in his subconscious mind barge right into his consciousness. The jerk hadn’t even bothered to come back for his graduation, too busy with his own fancy university work and pretentious internship. He’d sent flowers instead, with a neatly written card that Levi keeps hidden in his bedside drawer because it smells like Erwin. In spite of the irritation Levi feels about the blond-haired man’s lack of presence — his all-consuming absence, he can’t stop himself from thinking about the way Erwin would’ve kissed him. The man’s so different from Petra’s small stature, Erwin doesn’t have hair that curls neatly around his face, he doesn’t have soft hands or lithe fingers, he—</p><p> </p><p>Erwin is a ruler length taller than Levi, he has hands that are larger than Levi’s whole face, his golden hair is short, and his arms are probably the size of Levi’s legs. Erwin is built like a brick shithouse, with cheekbones and jawlines that could slay a thousand fangirls. He is the picture-perfect illustration of masculinity, of power, of charisma and leadership, and… Levi can’t help but think that he’s the perfect height to bury his face in Erwin’s massive pecs, can’t help but imagine how the tapered waist of his best friend would feel under his rough hands, how his calloused fingers could glide through planes of warm, porcelain skin that are Erwin’s tantalising long legs. </p><p> </p><p><em> Fuck</em>, Levi grimaces when his cock gives a painful throb in his pajama pants. Guilt settles deep in his stomach as he shoves his hands down his pants to relieve the thrum of arousal heavy in his groin. He closes his eyes and imagines that he’s sitting at the edge of his bed, Erwin kneeling on the floor in front of him. </p><p> </p><p>“Levi,” he imagines Erwin moaning, nuzzling his nose against the underside of Levi’s straining member. He imagines Erwin, who’s grown into a prim and proper man, almost nothing reminiscent of the whimpering, demure boy Levi had rescued from Johnny and his crowd of bullies, he imagines the stoic and stern Erwin with a pretty flush high up on his sharp cheekbones, he imagines the very definition, the absolute <em>embodiment</em>, of ‘calm-and-collected’ peering up at him through long, elegant eyelashes, soft ocean blue eyes overcome with hunger. </p><p> </p><p>For Levi’s cock, that is. </p><p> </p><p>And the guilt in Levi’s stomach dissolves into further desire. </p><p> </p><p>What would Erwin’s lips feel like when he kisses them, nips at them, bites at them? What would Erwin’s voice sound like when Levi makes him scream his name? Would Erwin moan his name into his mouth and grab Levi by his hair to pull him in closer? Would he let Levi leave his distinct marks on his neck almost abusively because he cannot control his possessiveness, his jealousy? Would he bare his neck to him so Levi could leave <em>more</em>?</p><p> </p><p>Levi groans and gives himself another particularly hard tug. He wants to lick the sweat from the hollow of Erwin’s clavicle, he wants to breathe in the heady scent at the base of Erwin’s nape, he wants to suck at Erwin’s sensitive nipples until they’re bright red and swollen, he wants and he wants and he wants, but he cannot have. </p><p> </p><p>The Erwin between his legs blinks up at him innocently, a smile tugging on his lips as he gives the tip of Levi’s cock a tentative lick. He pushes himself up until he can rest his arms on top of Levi’s thighs. Grabbing a handful of pectoral muscle in each hand, he squeezes his breasts until Levi’s cock is fully engulfed in the soft embrace between them.</p><p> </p><p>Levi almost shoots his load at the image. When had his fantasies become so… <em> lewd</em>?</p><p> </p><p>“Levi,” Erwin moans as Levi rocks up into the tight valley created by his breasts. He eyes at Levi’s cock, wetting his lips hungrily, Levi can feel the bump in his throat when he thrusts obscenely up against the base of Erwin’s neck as he swallows thirstily. Parched. Depraved. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, <em> Erwin</em>,” Levi hisses into emptiness and vaguely hopes that he’s quiet enough that his mom doesn’t hear him jerk it off to his childhood friend in his bed. “Fuckfuckfuck holy<em>shit</em>—”</p><p> </p><p>Fantasy Erwin takes the tip of Levi’s cock into his mouth and tongues the slit teasingly, keening in the back of his throat when Levi loses control, and frantically thrusts his cock deeper into the warm and soft wetness between Erwin’s lips. Levi looks down then, takes in the debauched view of Erwin sprawled on his knees in front of him, tears prickling at the edge of his eyes, lips that are glossy with spit stretched filthily around the girth of his cock, his pecs glistening with perspiration and Levi’s precum—</p><p> </p><p>Levi comes so hard he breaks the skin of his lips and tastes the metallic tang of blood as it seeps into his mouth. He doesn’t come down Erwin’s throat, though, nor all over his face or breasts like he wants to. Levi comes into his own hand and his pajama pants, because, Levi frowns as the heat and arousal fades from his skin, and he is left feeling cold and clammy against the dampness of his sheets, Erwin is his best friend, and fantasies, no matter how realistic or sought after, are just simply <em>fantasies</em>. In the end, they are nothing more than that.</p><p> </p><p>The blatant realisation hits Levi. He’s in love with a man who doesn’t view him as anyone more than a best friend. And then, Levi does cry. His voice does wobble as he muffles his sobs into his pillow. His heart does throb with the hurt and the pain of an unrequited love that he cannot speak about, cannot even bring himself to dream about fulfilling. Levi doesn’t even dare to hope, as longing and yearning can only be his downfalls.</p><p> </p><p><em> Is this what Petra felt? </em>He thinks, the morning after. He hadn’t slept the whole night despite being completely and utterly emotionally drained.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I don’t want to end up like Petra. </em>
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